Happy Birthday Brother.

So lets travel back in time about 19 years ago and one day. I was four years old. It was 1991. Don't remember too much from that year. However I clearly remember my Christmas nursery school production, that occurred on December 22nd very well, mainly because my mother was pregnant and I was about to get a little baby brother about 5 weeks early! As we say he wanted to experience Christmas instead of coming in January.

So if I remember correctly, I was an angel. Yes, an angel in the Christmas production and I was very excited. Even though looking back now I think there are usually about 20 angels and 20 Shepard's in this productions, still nonetheless I was excited. It went very well I remember my grandparents coming and having a lovely evening. Then it happened.

We lived in our old house and I remember my mother telling me that she was going to the hospital because Matthew was coming a little bit early and that he wanted to see Santa. Now at 23 years old I probably would have said okay, sure have fun, good luck, hope its not too bad. But at the age of 4, it went a little differently. All I can remember is laying in bed with my mother watching Sesame Street in her room because I wouldn't let her go. My grandmother was already their staying in the night. And side note: I love my grandmother dearly, but I don't think at the age of 4 I could grasp what was going on.

I can remember grabbing onto my mothers leg and not letting her go. I can remember pleading with her to not leave until I feel asleep. Looking back I think it was the fact that I was four and couldn't' understand that sometime babies come early. Like really early. And I didn't want it impact Christmas in anyway. So I did finally end up falling asleep. And my lovely mother and father did end up leaving and going to the hospital to have my brother. It's a funny story my family always tells, because lets admit it is kind of hysterical.

I don't remember this, but apparently at the age of four, I was convinced that his name was Thomas. (For the record, his name is Matthew Joseph, in honor of my grandfather on my dad's side) I think I may have for the first week of his life called him that. Even though my parents tried to convince me other wise. I was four, give me a break, my little world had changed forever. I don't remember this either but it always gets a laugh. My father, again love him dearly, but don't ask him to dress up for a public affair. I usually end up getting asked, "Does this look okay? or "Can I wear jeans to this?" My dad just doesn't dress up, and I am totally okay with that. Usually its sweatpants and jeans and work boots. Anyways my dad put me in a pretty red dress, and PINK tights to visit my mother and brother in the hospital, not a very good fashion. But I was four, and aren't all four year old cute no matter what??..

The two things I do remember are the little Elmo stuffed animal that I got him and when he had to go back into the hospital because he was jaundice. The family that shared the room when they left gave me a sugar cookie. Must have been where my love of food started. And I believe to this day my brother still has that little Elmo in his room at home.

19 years later, happy birthday to a great brother!!! So I've decide to list about 10 or so great memories I have, some are funny, some are sad, but they all will live on in my heart forever. In no particular order.

10. My brother crawling all over my kindergarten graduation cake, on video. Yes, I was about ready to blow out the candles and then plop. There goes Matthew trying to crawl through it. I think he got both hands in it and a foot before my parents could get him out. I then proceeded to throw a pretty big temper tantrum and run to my room and pout because it was MY cake. After about five minutes I think we all came out and enjoyed cake again.

9. Countless hours spent in the driveway racing bikes, dribbling soccer balls, shooting free throws, playing ping-pong, playing one-on-one. He even though four years younger usually won. And many times it would end up in one of us getting yelled it. It was still fun.

8. I was nowhere near the athlete that is was and still is today. But he came to every soccer game, basketball game and many of the track meets. He suffered through a lot them. But he was still there. To this day it still does get thrown in my face many times when I was home from college and didn't want to or was too tried to go to a game, that he went to all of yours to support you, so your going to his.

7. Spending about two years together in the band at LCS and winning two Sherbne Pageant of bands together. It was pretty Sweet. Then watching our band director come to soccer games, basketball games to watch him play even though he wasn't in band any more. And still giving him a graduation gift and coming to his party. That is the kind of kid my brother is

6. The countless car rides together planning who was going to get the backseat and for how long and the arguments that look place and the rationales were priceless!

5. Watching my brother his 7th grade year break is humerus and miss out on playing modified soccer. Then watch him in 8th grade break is collar bone which prevented him from starting on the varsity soccer team. His favorite sport his love. Then again watching him his senior year break his fibula, but without even knowing it play two games before it was diagnosed, and then go on to come back 5 weeks after it happened and play in a sectional game. That's right my brothers a beast.

4. Watching all of his soccer games. The countless amounts. I can't even remember. As an eighth grader he was fastest on the team, the defender assigned to guard the opposing teams best offensive threat. And that same assignment came throughout his entire career. Reading the message boards saying how he was something special. The daily newspaper constantly writing about his name. Yet I believe his senior year he only score 3 or maybe 4 goals. What he did and still does today doesn't end up in the box score. It's the effort plays that win games.

3. Watching him play soccer now in college is so much fun. I remember having a conversation with him the day of tryouts and him saying, "Marissa, I don't know if I am good enough to make this team, and I don't know if I am going to make the cup, But I'm going to go down trying." This coming from the kid who started every single game MVCC played, scored the winning goal in a game, and collected an honorable mention from the NJCAA, Region three. Next year, his goal: to do the same thing.

2. Watching him play basketball, even though he is the shortest kid on the team he still gave it all his heart. Granted there have been some moment he's probably not so proud of. But don't we have them all?? But watching him is senior year was amazing. To see him play even though he didn't have much to work out, with heart and determination was amazing. At 5'7 give or take the kid can touch the rim, and if he gets out in front of you, be prepared for him to have a trip to the free throw line. Even though I wasn't there he ended his career with 33 points. Pretty impressive.

1. Even though these two moments were most recent it was still pretty ingrained in mind. My mom called me up and told me to go online to www.thedailystar.com/hometownweekly and look at the front page article: Getting to Know: Matt Struckle. It was an article where coaches praised him saying that he will leave an impact on LCS soccer players for a long time to come. His basketball coach said that he not only takes responsibility for his actions on the court but off as well. I was never more a proud sister at this moment in time. The second being his graduation and awards banquet. Which I believe I did talk about this in another blog. But still, to watch him go up on that stage time and time again and get the Coach's aware for all three sports he played, basketball, soccer, and golf was beautiful. Then to watch him get Athlete of year, made his year because I know that he had worked so hard for it. This was probably the best part of the night. watching him get scholar athlete of the year. My mother shocked, since my brother always had a litle more fun than I did. My brother took it in stride considering he already had 4 plaques sitting at his seat. To this day, even when my family gets together and my mother starts to nag him about something My brother always says, remember I was the scholar athlete!!

It reminds me of something my friend grandpa always used to tell my mom once my brother and I started school. "Now Marissa she is going to do very well with her academics and go on to do great things, and now Matthew he will do the same, however he is just going to have a little bit more fun doing it." That to this day truly emphazies the differences between the personality of my brother and myself.

And on one final note. There is a picture from his graduation party that I love. My two aunts, my mom, dad, and myself are all holding him up while he was laying in front of us. It is truly him. Laughing and having fun, but at the same time the kid that works as hard as anyone I've every known no matter he circumstances so...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHEW!!!

marissa :)

Celebrate good times Come on!

I know two blog posts in one month. The blogging world must be thinking what in the world?? But this one is necessary and fun too.

So yesterday I spent a couple hours at church working on kids ministry stuff, then went to my new favorite place on the favorite place list: THE APPLE STORE!! Cue the trumpets, cue the angles and bright shiny wide googly eyes. Yes ladies and gents. I think I have officially been converted. My dell crashed for the third time, yes third. So instead of reverting back, I think I might be moving forward. But before I move forward I would like to share the responses that surround the MAC vs. PC discussion at church.

Ang: Luke, should Marissa get a mac?
Luke: Umm sure...??? (making that face of like what kind of question is that)
Ang: Her Dell crashed for the third time, and she spent three hours on the phone and got no where. Shouldn't she get a mac?
Luke Oh...Yes, Yes you should. See fixing your dell is like going to back to an ex-boyfriend..
(me starting to laugh hysterically here.) You know it's going to work and be all happy for a little while and then its just going to get bad again. So please go get a Mac..

Chris: If you stay with dell it's like your staying in Egypt, Marissa. Come on, make the journey to the Promise Land.

Denis: (When finding out that I might be getting a mac.) Marissa, this will be the first day of your brand new life! You are going to love it!

So dear friends tomorrow may very well be the day..just waiting a little bit to make sure the cash money is all good, and then again please cue the Hallelujah chorus and the angels.

But now for the real reason for this blog:

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE UCONN WOMENS BASKETBALL PROGRAM FOR WINNING 89 STRAIGHT GAMES IN A ROW!!!!

So after I spent the glorious time at the APPLE store. I plopped myself down on my couch in front of my new flat screen TV (thanks family) that I got for Christmas and watched true greatness, beauty, and joy happen in front of my eyes. That is the UCONN women breaking ULCA's consecutive game winning streak of 88 games.

For anyone that knows me, knows that basketball runs in my veins. March is tied for the top spot on favorite time of year. But December 21st 2010 was a pretty great one too. To watch a group of 18-21 yr old's do something not many athletes have done before was a amazing. To see the smiles, the laughter, and the huge sense of accomplishment on these woman's faces were amazing.

The game was also pretty sweet. Kudos to Florida state, for never giving up, for playing hard until the final minute. And not coming into the XL Center scared because of the UCONN of the front of the jersey's. So...Maya Moore.... nothing else needs to be said. That woman has the picture perfect jump shot, the most selfless person on that team, and a release that I think many men's players would die for. But I think the best part about her and her game, she always diverts back to the team goal:, never focusing the attention on herself, and she sprints of screen, and doesn't expect the screen to do all the work for her. BRIA freaken HARTLEY, way to show up!!! As Dickie V would say she certainly is a diaper dandy. She is more than just a freshman, that girl and shoot, and is fearless. She defintely as they say has a little Diana in her. She is going to have many more big moments in her career at Connetcicut. I think by far the most unrated, under discusses player on that team is Kelly Faris. She is up their with some of the great players.Yes, she might be going through a little shooting slump, but boy does that girl do the little things. And it's the little things that maybe don't end up in the box score, but that is what win's games. The constantly diving for loose balls, contesting shots, relantless defense, and all around smart basketball game. All the lady huskies played great.

So now....I'd like to dedicate this next paragraph to anyone out there who is trying to compare this streak to John Wooden's, to try and figure out which streak is better, or asking the question is a women's team worthy of breaking the steak.. I have one request. STOP!!! Stop comparing, stop trying to figure out, debating, arguing, questioning it, just celebrate it!!!

Instead take 5 minutes and look at the faces of each and every single player, every single coach, family member, band member, and even John Woodens grandson. The immense amount of pure joy captured in pictures and video is beautiful. So rather than doing what our society has trained us to do and compare and try and figure out which one is better, greater, stronger, more meaningful, truly a record, celebrate the beauty of it. Celebrate the fact that night in and night out for 89 games in a row UCONN has never had an off night and lost. It may not have been pretty, but a W always came their way. Celebrate the fact that Tiffany Hayes has never lost in a UCONN uniform and she's a junior. Celebrate the fact that never once did you hear Geno or his players bring up the streak, they always responded to it. Celebrate the fact for all the hard work these players put in here is a little something that they can cherish for the rest of their lives. Celebrate the fact that they don't just win games, but they strive to win games well. It's not just a matter of winning games, its a matter of how you do it. And now most importantly the thing I love about this team, Celebrate 89, but in now way shape are they going to settle for, it, but instead its back in the gym because we've got another game to go, and a goal to reach for in march: CHAMPIONSHIP. So please stop comparing it to ULCA. Because it's not ULCA, It's not 1977, and it's not John Wooden. It's UCONN, it's 2010, and its Geno Auriemma.

So those are my thoughts on the game, and the streak. Again let's just celebrate this beautiful accomplishment and cherish it. As a husky fan, I cannot say a time I've every been prouder of my team and program. (Yes I call them my team, I do the same thing with Duke and the Red Sox) And even more excited to go see them play in January against Duke in Gampell Pavialln. Crossing off a bucket list item. So stinkin excted.

marissa :)

p.s. So I really need to get this new computer because I have several ideas for posts including: Christmas cookie bonanza, Bucket List, Children's Ministry, family, friends, and most importantly my nursing moments.

p.s.s I hope that everyone has MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

The Most Magical time of the Year

So...yes I know its been a while, but I'm working on it. At least it wasn't a full six months since the last post. So here we go.

As the title of this blog states, "Life as a Nurse." I figure I better give a little insight on that profession. Two nights ago I felt as though I was ready to quit. I know that I say this often but the other night was almost career breaking. So first I'd like to start off with some statements just to clear up somethings for those of you who aren't as familiar with the profession.

1. RN, with BSN. (That's my official title) Which means, yes I went to four years of college and graudated with a Bachleors of Science in Nursing. I spent four LONG years learning about this profession and what all goes into being a nurse.

2. I then studied for what seemed like endless hours for about a 1 hour test that included 75 questions and waiting 48 hours to see if I passed. P.S I also got an ear plug stuck in my ear. So dear residents, I yes know what I am talking about, yes, I have a license that I've worked every hard for and don't want to lose it, so I am not going to suggest something that is outright stupid.

3. Finally if someone has PICC line, that usually means they are a difficulty stick for and IV or blood.

Enough list now for the story. So my patient had a PICC line that was bleeding. And when I say bleeding, I don't mean like drip, drip oh lets apply pressure and stop. I'm am talking hurricane breaking levy bleeding. So we tried these little pads that are supposed to help the blood clot, well again the levy's broke and we just kept bleeding. Now mind you this patient was also getting blood because his levels were low. (Umm remember here levy breaking bleeding from PICC line.) So I decide that alright I think I need to call the resident......

Well....he really needs the blood, and it can't be bleeding that bad...well try to get a peripheral...well i might be able to come down and see it...if his crit is above 24 we can hold the blood to the am. All the responses I got to my questions...well finally this wonderful resident decides to come "take a look" because the crit came back at 24. (I was so angry when I saw that.)

So I trudge into the room and let me back up a little here. It's probably 245am at this time and the patient hasnt gotten much sleep at all. So the resident says,"wow, that is bleeding." I am not even going to respond to this comment. Enough said.

Now to make a long story short, she proceeds to tell me I need to try at least 10 times to get a peripheral IV in this patient. And even then I should keep trying. At this point I was ready to chuck the entire IV set up I had in the room at her along with he patients fake leg.

In NO way shape or form will I ever poke a patient 10 times. That is cruel. I think at 5 times a nurse would say we are done. Thankfully it only too me two tries, but considering the IV site went horizontal across is elbow, I'm not sure how long it took. But that's not the point.

The point is that I shouldn't have to fight to be heard, and understand. I shouldn't have to call 3, 4, and 5 times to have a resident come look at this patient. I should never have to poke a patient that many times to get an IV. I should be able to let my patients sleep so that they can get rest. I shouldn't have to fight you, and I shouldn't have to feel like im trying to claw my way up a 90 degree cliff in order to keep my patients safe. I'm not saying I won't continue to fight, but I want residents to understand is that as nurses we are not stupid, dumb, random people from the street to wipe butts, and clean up poop, and pass meds. We took Anatomy and Physiology, we took Microbiology, just like you, granted we may have not taken as many classes but we have a degree and a license that we don't' want to mess with. So please just LISTEN!!!!

Now on a light note it truly is a magical time of year. CHRISTMAS. First on the list, with second of course being March Madness. But this Christmas season will be a little different than past. I have to work :(! No only Christmas but all three days surrouding this beautiful day. A sore subject so I wont' get into it,

Tonight I decorated my tree. It's a little Charlie Brownish but I still love it! There is something about it I can't explain. I'm not sure if its the lights, the red/sliver/gold balls, the greenness of it, the mountain pine candle sitting next to it since its a fake, or the shiness. But I love it. I've been prolonging sleep because I don't want to have to unplug the lights, but I must in order to be able to work tomorrow night.

Putting pen to paper, and fingers to keys.

Well first of all I apologize to my one follower for taking a long absence from the blogging world. Almost 6 months. Pause for a moment of silence.

In the recent months things have changed, developed, left, felt moments of deep joy, and deep moments of numbness. (Remember I'm not an English major I'm a nurse we don't write in complete sentences, so blogging can be kinda choppy, I apologize, especially to my grandmother whose rolling over in her grave right now.)

So one may ask "What have you been up to these last months..." Well instead of writing one really, really long blog I've decided to do a short recap of each month from March until now, with some stories added in.

March:
I know that I've posted since March however it is my second favorite month, because of March Madness and perhaps one of the best sporting events known to man. NCAA Men's and Women's Basketball Tournament. This year had the lovely opportunity to go to DUKE and watch the first round. It was an amazing trip in which I fell in love with Durham North Carolina, and the beauty it has to offer. So I've decided to share a quick top 10 list of favorite parts of my trip.

10. Solidifying in my inner most being why I am a Duke Fan. Chapel Hill is a scary, weird, boring, to close together place.
9. The walking tour of Durham that I took all by myself. Planned it all by myself. And did not get hit on by any homeless men. Unlike the aforementioned highlight where it happend 5 times.
8. Shopping on Ninth Street, in my favorite shop and getting really cute headbands and wanting to go back.
7. CAMERON INDOOR STADIUM. pause. (nothing else needs to be said here)
6. Sitting in the same bleachers the Cameron Crazies do, priceless.
5. Learning about the history of Duke University and the Tobacco Industry.
4. Being able to watch a really good 2nd round game, meeting some of the Men's Team and taking a picture with Mason Plumlee. Yes, I know a little stalkerish. You have to admit, he is a good catch.
3. The FOOD! Chick Flia, Amelia's, Elmo's to only name a few..
2. Duke's Chapel Services-will be mentioned in a later month
1. Sarah P. Duke Gardens. This place is breathtaking. It is 55 acres of beautiful gardens, that I miss almost every day. Its peaceful, mind clearing, beautiful, priority straightening, and an amazing place to take pictures.

So then came
April:
Not to much exciting occurred in April. I think one would call April a preparation month for the month of May. I spent most of April running. Yes, I did say running. If any of you know me you would know that I was that kid on the track team that threw shot put and discus, and ran the 100 meter run, because I had to have a running event.

So for whatever reason I decided that it would be a great idea to run a 5K. 5K which equals 3.1 miles. So I spent the month of April training considering I've never ran more than 1 mile without stopping. But it was worth it.

May:
Bridal Showers/Weddings/5K's/Easter
Looking back May was quite an adventure. My best friend from home got married. (Congrats Julia and Jon.) It was a beautiful weeding, with beautiful food, and beautiful people. It's were my profile picture comes from. Then a bridal shower for my friend Christine, whose getting married June. Best day every considering it was reality show extranvanga in myself and my dear friend Bekas life. Check out her blog for more details: mygreenorchard.wordpress.com.

Finally the major, life changing, epic event of April: running a 5K. I am not going to tell you the amount of time it took me because that does not matter. What matters is that I finished. I finished the race without stopping to walk. Granted at times I wasn't running much more than a shuffle, but I didn't walk. It was the greatest feeling ever, a deep sense of accomplishment occurred. I loved it, and running and I still have a significant love relationship, it just needs to be re discovered soon. Then May came to a end, and JUNE hit

June: Wedding/Awards Banquet/High School Graduation

June such a fun, crazy, awkward month. After the high of May, June may have been a little bit of a let down, well at least until the end. My dear friend Christine got married, and had a blast at her wedding even though my sweater was in the laundry while I was at the ceremony. I still rocked the dress!!

Spent time with some amazing 1st year medicine residents from Strong at a barbecue celebrating there intern year completion. One may ask why I was at this celebration? I'm an honorary intern.

The rest of June included events surrounding my lovely younger brother. My younger brother Matthew graduated high school this year. It's hard to believe that the little boy who once crawled all over my Kindergarten graduation cake, is graduating high school. First was the lovely awards banquet, with sub-par food, and 2 hrs of watching little children get awards that I didn't know who they were. (My dad and I played dots throughout this affair, it's what we do in moments like these) Then got to watch as my little brother won the coach's award for every sport he played, soccer, basketball, and golf. I got to watch him win Athlete of the Year, and Male Scholar Athlete of the year. I think he is still shoving that in my mothers face to this day!

Then came graduation. I didn't cry. My mother cried a little, and so did my father. I love this time of year main reason: FREE FOOD, with no clean up involved. Seriously though it was an awesome party even with the rain, and golf clubs that were broken. Spent time with family, spent time with people I grew up with. People who know me, and love me despite all my imperfections. It was a pleasure. Then came July.

July, yes the month of my birthday. Woo, freaken, who. Not a big fan of my birthday for many reasons. However it was a fun experience spent time with the fam, went to the corn hill arts festival, and then went to Pittsford and enjoyed a lovely lunch at simply crepes after getting lost for about an hour.

The month of July was a little stressful at work reason being: new interns. I'm not going to get into the stories, moments of desperation, crazy orders written, or questions asked, because I could get into some serious trouble. But I will say that I do miss my old interns. A LOT! July also involved a little fender bender which caused a wake up emotional call, will do another blog on this later.

August, kind of a blur. Spent a lot of it outside. Catching up with old friends, becoming the Kid's Director at the 692 campus of TFH, sending my brother off to college, watching him play college soccer. That pretty much sums up august. Oh I was also camp nurse at TFHKids Epic Summer Camp. Such a blast spending time with these little ones. Especially since I told myself I would NEVER, NEVER, EVER in a million years because a pediatric nurse. My heart has begun to change a little... , and the US Men's National Soccer Game vs. Brazil in NYC was A-mazing. Especially considering I was 15 rows back from TIM HOWARD!!!! yes, the Tim Howard. Still in awe. Then September came.

September.
I like to think of September like the Green Day song thinks of it, "Wake me up when September ends...." At work I had the most emotionally taxing, and draining shift that I have ever worked. To which sent me into a deep spiral downward, pretty close to hitting depression. I would like to say I'm better from that place, but its a slow progression for me. It's like your climbing up the ladder to get to the slide in the McDonald's play place in order to get to the place you want to be. I know strange analogy but it makes sense in my head. What have I learned from dear old September:

-I can cry at the drop of a hat.
-Sugar cookies are a great 3am snack.
-It's okay to admit that your broken, and don't know what to do.
-It's okay to ask for help.
-My friends and family are my life-lines.
-I am a work in progress and am so thankful for that.
-God is even more real to me today than he was yesterday, and the day before, and the day before.

So in short, well, kinda long wind that's the story of these past six months. I'm sure in the upcoming weeks. I will most more to fill in the gaps a little bit. But, this right here was a very big step. I did it. I put pen to paper. Well I guess it should be fingers to keys. But I did it. and that's all that matters. Some parts make sense, some parts don't. Some parts are funny and some aren't. But it's a story, it's the story of me and that's all that matters.

The past week I recently heard a song on the television and it spoke so deeply to me. Beauty will rise, by Steven Curtis Chapman. It tells the story of me. At this point on my journey. I'm not dancing yet, but I know that I will be. So I leave you with this the chorus of my life:

Out of these ashes..beauty will rise.

and we will dance among the ruins.

We will see him with our own eyes.

Out of this darkness..new life will shine.

and we'll know that joy is coming in the morning...

in the morning...beauty will rise.

Reflection/Nursing/Residents/3 Rules

The past couple of week haven't been light, haven't been pretty, and haven't been easy. It's amazing to think that about a year ago I was wearing a hideous black gown, with a hat that I don't really know how it stayed on my head and graduated from college. It feels so long ago, yet feels like yesterday. I remember thinking I cannot wait to change the world, yet also being scared out of my mind because how the heck am I going to do that?

Anyways...I have this picture in my apt from graduation that sums up my feeling. After the ceremony ended we all went outside, to take a class photo. A moment captured in time. Standing there some with hats off, some on, gowns off, gowns unzipped. Some smiling, some laughing, some clutching dipolmas, some flowers as it felt like a tornado out that day. I like the picture so much be it embodies the emotion of, "joy." It seemed so simple then, the nursing profession. Now after being a nurse for about a year I've learned that it is in fact way more complex and difficult than navigating the Bermuda Triangle.

I'm working nights..if you cannot tell by the time of the post. I'm not working but my sleep wake cycle isn't pivy to that fact yet. I was having a conversation with one of the residents the other night about working in medcine and life. You spend all your time at this hospital and when your not there your sleeping, eating, and trying to maintain some normalcy of life. I want to make it clear that I am not complaining about my job, instead im realizing theres much about it I was naive about.

I guess what I am trying to say in my psyco babble is that when you work in healthcare you need an outlet or else you will end up miserable. . During this whole conversaion I kept saying how I want to be able to really listen to people and hear their story. He then proceeded to tell me that I should become a psycotherapist. Umm no, being an RA for 2 years was enough. I have too many of my own issues. The one time I did go to counseling, all I remember was the therapist's pen going non-stop and drawing a bunch of circles with connecting lines on a paper I couldn't see..kinda creepy.

Anyways It's nice to have four days off. If you want to get technical about it its really 5 but yesterday I worked for 7hrs and slept for about 14 to recover. So yea this post is kinda all over the place, really because my mind is all over the place, and the fact that my sleep cycle is soooo off. To close I am going to leave you all with three rules of working in medicine I learned while at my internship. Mainly because I need to remember then since they will make my job easier:

1. Whatever happens, happens... I cannot control anything. Even when you think you know the response of a drug, treament, therapy, surgery, even if your 99% sure you know the outcome, often times that 1% happens and thats no one's fault not the nurse, not the doctor, and not the patient. Even if the patient dies, it happens people are sick. Moving to rule #2.

2. It could always be worse. The blood pressure could always be hgher, the patients could always be more needy, the pharmacy may be out of ativan, valium, haldol, and benadryl, and it could always be busier, more hectic and crazy, and the patients could always be sicker. But then rule #3 saves the day.

3. Morning always comes aka Your shift always ends. No matter what happens it will always end. Even if your patient dies, the shift ends. It always ends. It may not end on time, but it will end. It is for this rule that I am most grateful.

My lovely 5k is coming up oh so soon. I'm sure you'll hear lots about it.

Just another manic Monday...

To the blogging world and my one follower, I apologize for the absence and lack of posts. There is no excuse. Well there is one..... and yup you guessed it, it's work. I tend to have a problem saying a simple little word, "no." So I decided to sign up for an "extra hours program." Said program consists of working an extra 8 hour shift a week and getting an extra $750 bonus at the end. However there are a few stipulations that sort of went undisclosed when saying yes to this "program." Numero Uno: You do not get to pick the shift you work, they put you where they need you. Which translates to having to turn your sleep cycle around in 24 hrs. No horrible, however not pleasant. Number 2: the $750 bonus really translates into around 400 bucks because it is taxed. Lame people. Lame. Number 3: I did know this before hand but still I count it as a stipulation you cannot call in sick. Of course what happens to me I get sick Which translates into every single doctor you see during the say saying one if not all of these statements to you:

"Wow, you don't look so hot today?"
"Are you sick?"
"It's like your the outbreak monkey."
"Are you wearing a mask because you having swine flu?"
"Man, you really look like crap today"
"You should really go see your primary care doctor?"

My responses to those statements included:

"Yup, your right."
"Yes."
"Thanks. I really appreciate that, Dr......." I cannot say to many bad things about this person because they later wrote me for antibiotics.
"No I do not have the swine flu."
"Yes, thanks for that."
"My primary care doctor is three hours away, and I have to work tomorrow.

However about a week later I am all healthy. And the extra hours program is OVER!!!!! Praise Jesus!!!!! And let me tell several aspects of my life are in a joyous chorus. My sleep wake cycle is starting to forgive me a little and starting to let me sleep during the night time. My apartment is starting to look like an apartment and not like a tornado went off.

So here in writing I am saying so that the blogging world and myself can read " I am never, ever, ever, under any circumstances going to say yes to the extra hours program again." Reasons include my sanity!!! That pretty much sums it up. Sanity is of much greater importance that money.

p.s. I apologize for the cliche title of the blog post but I could not think of anything better. I promise to post soon regarding my vacation to Durham. ( I miss you Durham, your a great place.) My running and much much more of my crazy life as a nurse.

Let's go DUKE!! National Champions Baby!!

First of all a few congratulatory remarks are in order:

1. Butler you played a heck of a game man, a small, small part of me wanted you to win. I have a heart for Cinderella's
2. DUKE for winning the national title.
3. The duke team for making it way to close of a title game, that caused me have extreme angina and the desire to change the channel several times because, the game was way tooooooo close for comfort.
4. To 24 for allowing me to a brief relief from the having a heart attack.

Part of me is in a state of mourning that March Madness is ending. It's such an amazing time of year. From when the conference tourney's end to selection Sunday. Teams anxiously waiting in locker rooms, gymnasiums, field houses, restaurants, and coach's houses to see if they hear their name called. Small schools that win their conference championships are my favorite to watch. The anticipation, the smiles, the laughter, and the ensuing joy that takes place in those moments when they hear their name called, is joy at its purest form. I think that is part of the reason I love this time of a year.

Every year I pick Duke to win it all, and most of the time I end up being wrong. But they are my team. This year however I thought maybe, just maybe they could pull it off. The three S's: super, sensational and sintilating. Singler, Scheyer, and Smith. Senior leadership that most teams never have because of the alluring NBA. Scheyer with such a pure stroke, and character that survived a post season shooting slump that would have killed the confidence of some players. Zoubek who entered the starting line up February 13th and changed the team for the better. Singler an all around great player, with a willingness to anything to help his time win. For me the best story of the tourney is a young man named Nolan.

The boy who lost not only his father, but best friend at the age of 8. Came into his tournament honoring his father, wanting to be like his father, embodying who his father was and the lessons that he taught them It had become a story for the tourney, constant features on ESPN, articles, and blogs embodied the subject. Smith wanting to bad to get that ring, not only for himself, but to honor his father. A young man with a grin that not many can resist worked so hard last night, just like his mom told him before the game when they lock eyes, connect and she says, "GO TO WORK." Just like she told her boyfriend in 1980, and just like his father used to tell him. The Smith's embody the statement, like father, like son. Such a powerful story, you should read it.

The game was an amazing game, a basketball game that will be remembered as one of the greats. For me it was a great one not because a team ran away with, there were spectacular high flying dunks, or several NBA first round picks relying on talent. It was two groups of young men you left it all out of the floor. The words that come to mind, tenacity, heart, emotion, will, passion, gutsy, fight, and a dream. That's what March is about, playing with everything you have, fighting until you having nothing left and leaving it all on the court. And that my friends is what the duke blue devils did. They left it all out on the court and it paid off because they can now say that they are the "NCAA 2010 Men's Division 1 National Basketball Champions." I think this is my favorite picture:



As to march I bid you farewell.... hopefully the UCONN game will go well tonight :)

p.s. Vacation blog and stupid running blog idea is coming I promise!!!

Chocolate Pudding and Heart Surgery

First of all I will never look at chocolate pudding the same way again. As most of my friends know I am a hardcore fan to the death vanilla with rainbow sprinkles. Yes, I do eat sprinkles by themselves, that is a whole different story. But, every since I can remember that was my order at Dairy Queen, staring with a dish and then graduating to the cone. I have now moved onto blizzards, but deep down vanilla all the way!! As I have grown older I have learned to appreciate the chocolate emotional binge every now and then. So moving on to the story, chocolate pudding can be a great vehicle to give pills to patients, specifically those who are not alert and oriented, and those who get the "hostile" box checked during an assessment. So I walk in being my "cheerful, joyful" peppy self and offer this wonderful person their pills, one of which includes an anti-anxiety pills. So they agree to eat some chocolate pudding. My little brain says, "Praise Jesus, this is going to work." So in the spoon goes. Thoughts in my head: Alright this is going to work, meds passed on this person, just keep chewing, just keep chewing. Then it happened. Chocolate pudding proceeds to come in projectile vomit form out of her mouth at me landing on my face my arm and my name tag. At this point in my head I'm thinking okay this could be worse. Then this person who I love dearly begins to throw the goopy, spit up chocolate pudding. The conversation that ensues next is priceless:

Me: (Insert name here)." Please do not spit or hit, It's not nice or safe."
Insert name here's response: Oh yes it is nice to spit and hit.

Oh the joys of nursing. Let's just say I will never look at chocolate pudding, and eggs again. For the record do not put a hard boiled egg in the microwave I almost lost my life.

At the end of this blog I'd like to say a few thank you's

My cardio-thoracic surgeon: Thank for performing my CABG surgery, most likely it will be a quadrouple by pass and to you I owe my life.

My ICU nurses that will get me in recovery: Thanks for dealing with the raging horror and anxiety that will occur when I relieve that I am intubated. Have the wrist restraints, and ativan at the bedside. Don't worry, I will give you chocolate or buy you pizza. Food is so the way to a nurses heart.

My floor nurses: To you I will everyone, as you will help me with my recovery! Plus you will also deal with the nurses favorite type of patient, "the former/current nurse." Again I will give you chocolate or buy you pizza.


I ate Mark's pizza tonight for some reason I needed a comfort food binge, but right now my heart and my stomach isn't thanking me. Again I'm not sure how this whole blog thing will work but hope you enjoy the chocolate pudding story.

Blogging?

Hello, all in the blogging world. I never thought that I would actually create one of these for several reasons. Ranging from the fact that I do not lead a super exciting life to I really cannot handle a potential stalker right now. But for some reason I guess I decided to take the plunge.

So here we go... So as the title reveals, yes I am a nurse. I've been a nurse for about 9 months. (OK, can I just say that, that scares me!!!) That means that I have nearly been a nurse as along as it takes for a child to develop in the womb. That's a long time. However I still feel that same way I felt my first day I was ALL by myself. You mean I am responsible for these 3 to 8 people on a today? I have to answer their questions? Make sure they are comfortable. Control their pain. See them in their most vulnerable moments. All with a smile on my face. Some days it goes great and I really feel like I am making a difference in someone's life. Others, however make me question deep down if this is really what I am called today. Which ultimately results in my trademark line that my co-workers hear all the time. "I'm never, ever coming back here. I"m done, finished." But every week I always come back for the next shift for some strange reason. Maybe writing this blog will help me figure it out.

Anyways, I do not really know exactly what I will write in here, or how often I will write. But I do know, I have some pretty interesting/funny/down-right-weird/heartbreaking stories to tell from my 22 years of life. So I hope that everyone out in the blogging world will enjoy them. Wanna know a little about me? I'm 22, a nurse, daughter, sister, neice, friend, lover of sleep, college graduate, and most importantly a child of God. I love croutons and can eat a whole box at once, so I have to be careful at certain times. The same goes for Starburst jelly beans. I am an avid fan of college basketball. GO DUKE men and GO UCONN women. (For the record, March is the second happiest time of year compared to Christmas. I am in love w/ my new "perfect brownie pan maker." I am probably one of the messiest people you will every met. I love candles especially fruity ones. That's all you get for now.