The past couple of week haven't been light, haven't been pretty, and haven't been easy. It's amazing to think that about a year ago I was wearing a hideous black gown, with a hat that I don't really know how it stayed on my head and graduated from college. It feels so long ago, yet feels like yesterday. I remember thinking I cannot wait to change the world, yet also being scared out of my mind because how the heck am I going to do that?
Anyways...I have this picture in my apt from graduation that sums up my feeling. After the ceremony ended we all went outside, to take a class photo. A moment captured in time. Standing there some with hats off, some on, gowns off, gowns unzipped. Some smiling, some laughing, some clutching dipolmas, some flowers as it felt like a tornado out that day. I like the picture so much be it embodies the emotion of, "joy." It seemed so simple then, the nursing profession. Now after being a nurse for about a year I've learned that it is in fact way more complex and difficult than navigating the Bermuda Triangle.
I'm working nights..if you cannot tell by the time of the post. I'm not working but my sleep wake cycle isn't pivy to that fact yet. I was having a conversation with one of the residents the other night about working in medcine and life. You spend all your time at this hospital and when your not there your sleeping, eating, and trying to maintain some normalcy of life. I want to make it clear that I am not complaining about my job, instead im realizing theres much about it I was naive about.
I guess what I am trying to say in my psyco babble is that when you work in healthcare you need an outlet or else you will end up miserable. . During this whole conversaion I kept saying how I want to be able to really listen to people and hear their story. He then proceeded to tell me that I should become a psycotherapist. Umm no, being an RA for 2 years was enough. I have too many of my own issues. The one time I did go to counseling, all I remember was the therapist's pen going non-stop and drawing a bunch of circles with connecting lines on a paper I couldn't see..kinda creepy.
Anyways It's nice to have four days off. If you want to get technical about it its really 5 but yesterday I worked for 7hrs and slept for about 14 to recover. So yea this post is kinda all over the place, really because my mind is all over the place, and the fact that my sleep cycle is soooo off. To close I am going to leave you all with three rules of working in medicine I learned while at my internship. Mainly because I need to remember then since they will make my job easier:
1. Whatever happens, happens... I cannot control anything. Even when you think you know the response of a drug, treament, therapy, surgery, even if your 99% sure you know the outcome, often times that 1% happens and thats no one's fault not the nurse, not the doctor, and not the patient. Even if the patient dies, it happens people are sick. Moving to rule #2.
2. It could always be worse. The blood pressure could always be hgher, the patients could always be more needy, the pharmacy may be out of ativan, valium, haldol, and benadryl, and it could always be busier, more hectic and crazy, and the patients could always be sicker. But then rule #3 saves the day.
3. Morning always comes aka Your shift always ends. No matter what happens it will always end. Even if your patient dies, the shift ends. It always ends. It may not end on time, but it will end. It is for this rule that I am most grateful.
My lovely 5k is coming up oh so soon. I'm sure you'll hear lots about it.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Just another manic Monday...
To the blogging world and my one follower, I apologize for the absence and lack of posts. There is no excuse. Well there is one..... and yup you guessed it, it's work. I tend to have a problem saying a simple little word, "no." So I decided to sign up for an "extra hours program." Said program consists of working an extra 8 hour shift a week and getting an extra $750 bonus at the end. However there are a few stipulations that sort of went undisclosed when saying yes to this "program." Numero Uno: You do not get to pick the shift you work, they put you where they need you. Which translates to having to turn your sleep cycle around in 24 hrs. No horrible, however not pleasant. Number 2: the $750 bonus really translates into around 400 bucks because it is taxed. Lame people. Lame. Number 3: I did know this before hand but still I count it as a stipulation you cannot call in sick. Of course what happens to me I get sick Which translates into every single doctor you see during the say saying one if not all of these statements to you:
However about a week later I am all healthy. And the extra hours program is OVER!!!!! Praise Jesus!!!!! And let me tell several aspects of my life are in a joyous chorus. My sleep wake cycle is starting to forgive me a little and starting to let me sleep during the night time. My apartment is starting to look like an apartment and not like a tornado went off.
So here in writing I am saying so that the blogging world and myself can read " I am never, ever, ever, under any circumstances going to say yes to the extra hours program again." Reasons include my sanity!!! That pretty much sums it up. Sanity is of much greater importance that money.
p.s. I apologize for the cliche title of the blog post but I could not think of anything better. I promise to post soon regarding my vacation to Durham. ( I miss you Durham, your a great place.) My running and much much more of my crazy life as a nurse.
"Wow, you don't look so hot today?"
"Are you sick?"
"It's like your the outbreak monkey."
"Are you wearing a mask because you having swine flu?"
"Man, you really look like crap today"
"You should really go see your primary care doctor?"
"Are you sick?"
"It's like your the outbreak monkey."
"Are you wearing a mask because you having swine flu?"
"Man, you really look like crap today"
"You should really go see your primary care doctor?"
My responses to those statements included:
"Yup, your right."
"Yes."
"Thanks. I really appreciate that, Dr......." I cannot say to many bad things about this person because they later wrote me for antibiotics.
"No I do not have the swine flu."
"Yes, thanks for that."
"My primary care doctor is three hours away, and I have to work tomorrow.
"Yes."
"Thanks. I really appreciate that, Dr......." I cannot say to many bad things about this person because they later wrote me for antibiotics.
"No I do not have the swine flu."
"Yes, thanks for that."
"My primary care doctor is three hours away, and I have to work tomorrow.
However about a week later I am all healthy. And the extra hours program is OVER!!!!! Praise Jesus!!!!! And let me tell several aspects of my life are in a joyous chorus. My sleep wake cycle is starting to forgive me a little and starting to let me sleep during the night time. My apartment is starting to look like an apartment and not like a tornado went off.
So here in writing I am saying so that the blogging world and myself can read " I am never, ever, ever, under any circumstances going to say yes to the extra hours program again." Reasons include my sanity!!! That pretty much sums it up. Sanity is of much greater importance that money.
p.s. I apologize for the cliche title of the blog post but I could not think of anything better. I promise to post soon regarding my vacation to Durham. ( I miss you Durham, your a great place.) My running and much much more of my crazy life as a nurse.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Let's go DUKE!! National Champions Baby!!
First of all a few congratulatory remarks are in order:
1. Butler you played a heck of a game man, a small, small part of me wanted you to win. I have a heart for Cinderella's
2. DUKE for winning the national title.
3. The duke team for making it way to close of a title game, that caused me have extreme angina and the desire to change the channel several times because, the game was way tooooooo close for comfort.
4. To 24 for allowing me to a brief relief from the having a heart attack.
2. DUKE for winning the national title.
3. The duke team for making it way to close of a title game, that caused me have extreme angina and the desire to change the channel several times because, the game was way tooooooo close for comfort.
4. To 24 for allowing me to a brief relief from the having a heart attack.
Part of me is in a state of mourning that March Madness is ending. It's such an amazing time of year. From when the conference tourney's end to selection Sunday. Teams anxiously waiting in locker rooms, gymnasiums, field houses, restaurants, and coach's houses to see if they hear their name called. Small schools that win their conference championships are my favorite to watch. The anticipation, the smiles, the laughter, and the ensuing joy that takes place in those moments when they hear their name called, is joy at its purest form. I think that is part of the reason I love this time of a year.
Every year I pick Duke to win it all, and most of the time I end up being wrong. But they are my team. This year however I thought maybe, just maybe they could pull it off. The three S's: super, sensational and sintilating. Singler, Scheyer, and Smith. Senior leadership that most teams never have because of the alluring NBA. Scheyer with such a pure stroke, and character that survived a post season shooting slump that would have killed the confidence of some players. Zoubek who entered the starting line up February 13th and changed the team for the better. Singler an all around great player, with a willingness to anything to help his time win. For me the best story of the tourney is a young man named Nolan.
The boy who lost not only his father, but best friend at the age of 8. Came into his tournament honoring his father, wanting to be like his father, embodying who his father was and the lessons that he taught them It had become a story for the tourney, constant features on ESPN, articles, and blogs embodied the subject. Smith wanting to bad to get that ring, not only for himself, but to honor his father. A young man with a grin that not many can resist worked so hard last night, just like his mom told him before the game when they lock eyes, connect and she says, "GO TO WORK." Just like she told her boyfriend in 1980, and just like his father used to tell him. The Smith's embody the statement, like father, like son. Such a powerful story, you should read it.
The game was an amazing game, a basketball game that will be remembered as one of the greats. For me it was a great one not because a team ran away with, there were spectacular high flying dunks, or several NBA first round picks relying on talent. It was two groups of young men you left it all out of the floor. The words that come to mind, tenacity, heart, emotion, will, passion, gutsy, fight, and a dream. That's what March is about, playing with everything you have, fighting until you having nothing left and leaving it all on the court. And that my friends is what the duke blue devils did. They left it all out on the court and it paid off because they can now say that they are the "NCAA 2010 Men's Division 1 National Basketball Champions." I think this is my favorite picture:
As to march I bid you farewell.... hopefully the UCONN game will go well tonight :)
p.s. Vacation blog and stupid running blog idea is coming I promise!!!
Every year I pick Duke to win it all, and most of the time I end up being wrong. But they are my team. This year however I thought maybe, just maybe they could pull it off. The three S's: super, sensational and sintilating. Singler, Scheyer, and Smith. Senior leadership that most teams never have because of the alluring NBA. Scheyer with such a pure stroke, and character that survived a post season shooting slump that would have killed the confidence of some players. Zoubek who entered the starting line up February 13th and changed the team for the better. Singler an all around great player, with a willingness to anything to help his time win. For me the best story of the tourney is a young man named Nolan.
The boy who lost not only his father, but best friend at the age of 8. Came into his tournament honoring his father, wanting to be like his father, embodying who his father was and the lessons that he taught them It had become a story for the tourney, constant features on ESPN, articles, and blogs embodied the subject. Smith wanting to bad to get that ring, not only for himself, but to honor his father. A young man with a grin that not many can resist worked so hard last night, just like his mom told him before the game when they lock eyes, connect and she says, "GO TO WORK." Just like she told her boyfriend in 1980, and just like his father used to tell him. The Smith's embody the statement, like father, like son. Such a powerful story, you should read it.
The game was an amazing game, a basketball game that will be remembered as one of the greats. For me it was a great one not because a team ran away with, there were spectacular high flying dunks, or several NBA first round picks relying on talent. It was two groups of young men you left it all out of the floor. The words that come to mind, tenacity, heart, emotion, will, passion, gutsy, fight, and a dream. That's what March is about, playing with everything you have, fighting until you having nothing left and leaving it all on the court. And that my friends is what the duke blue devils did. They left it all out on the court and it paid off because they can now say that they are the "NCAA 2010 Men's Division 1 National Basketball Champions." I think this is my favorite picture:
As to march I bid you farewell.... hopefully the UCONN game will go well tonight :)
p.s. Vacation blog and stupid running blog idea is coming I promise!!!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Chocolate Pudding and Heart Surgery
First of all I will never look at chocolate pudding the same way again. As most of my friends know I am a hardcore fan to the death vanilla with rainbow sprinkles. Yes, I do eat sprinkles by themselves, that is a whole different story. But, every since I can remember that was my order at Dairy Queen, staring with a dish and then graduating to the cone. I have now moved onto blizzards, but deep down vanilla all the way!! As I have grown older I have learned to appreciate the chocolate emotional binge every now and then. So moving on to the story, chocolate pudding can be a great vehicle to give pills to patients, specifically those who are not alert and oriented, and those who get the "hostile" box checked during an assessment. So I walk in being my "cheerful, joyful" peppy self and offer this wonderful person their pills, one of which includes an anti-anxiety pills. So they agree to eat some chocolate pudding. My little brain says, "Praise Jesus, this is going to work." So in the spoon goes. Thoughts in my head: Alright this is going to work, meds passed on this person, just keep chewing, just keep chewing. Then it happened. Chocolate pudding proceeds to come in projectile vomit form out of her mouth at me landing on my face my arm and my name tag. At this point in my head I'm thinking okay this could be worse. Then this person who I love dearly begins to throw the goopy, spit up chocolate pudding. The conversation that ensues next is priceless:
Me: (Insert name here)." Please do not spit or hit, It's not nice or safe."
Insert name here's response: Oh yes it is nice to spit and hit.
Oh the joys of nursing. Let's just say I will never look at chocolate pudding, and eggs again. For the record do not put a hard boiled egg in the microwave I almost lost my life.
At the end of this blog I'd like to say a few thank you's
My cardio-thoracic surgeon: Thank for performing my CABG surgery, most likely it will be a quadrouple by pass and to you I owe my life.
My ICU nurses that will get me in recovery: Thanks for dealing with the raging horror and anxiety that will occur when I relieve that I am intubated. Have the wrist restraints, and ativan at the bedside. Don't worry, I will give you chocolate or buy you pizza. Food is so the way to a nurses heart.
My floor nurses: To you I will everyone, as you will help me with my recovery! Plus you will also deal with the nurses favorite type of patient, "the former/current nurse." Again I will give you chocolate or buy you pizza.
I ate Mark's pizza tonight for some reason I needed a comfort food binge, but right now my heart and my stomach isn't thanking me. Again I'm not sure how this whole blog thing will work but hope you enjoy the chocolate pudding story.
Me: (Insert name here)." Please do not spit or hit, It's not nice or safe."
Insert name here's response: Oh yes it is nice to spit and hit.
Oh the joys of nursing. Let's just say I will never look at chocolate pudding, and eggs again. For the record do not put a hard boiled egg in the microwave I almost lost my life.
At the end of this blog I'd like to say a few thank you's
My cardio-thoracic surgeon: Thank for performing my CABG surgery, most likely it will be a quadrouple by pass and to you I owe my life.
My ICU nurses that will get me in recovery: Thanks for dealing with the raging horror and anxiety that will occur when I relieve that I am intubated. Have the wrist restraints, and ativan at the bedside. Don't worry, I will give you chocolate or buy you pizza. Food is so the way to a nurses heart.
My floor nurses: To you I will everyone, as you will help me with my recovery! Plus you will also deal with the nurses favorite type of patient, "the former/current nurse." Again I will give you chocolate or buy you pizza.
I ate Mark's pizza tonight for some reason I needed a comfort food binge, but right now my heart and my stomach isn't thanking me. Again I'm not sure how this whole blog thing will work but hope you enjoy the chocolate pudding story.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Blogging?
Hello, all in the blogging world. I never thought that I would actually create one of these for several reasons. Ranging from the fact that I do not lead a super exciting life to I really cannot handle a potential stalker right now. But for some reason I guess I decided to take the plunge.
So here we go... So as the title reveals, yes I am a nurse. I've been a nurse for about 9 months. (OK, can I just say that, that scares me!!!) That means that I have nearly been a nurse as along as it takes for a child to develop in the womb. That's a long time. However I still feel that same way I felt my first day I was ALL by myself. You mean I am responsible for these 3 to 8 people on a today? I have to answer their questions? Make sure they are comfortable. Control their pain. See them in their most vulnerable moments. All with a smile on my face. Some days it goes great and I really feel like I am making a difference in someone's life. Others, however make me question deep down if this is really what I am called today. Which ultimately results in my trademark line that my co-workers hear all the time. "I'm never, ever coming back here. I"m done, finished." But every week I always come back for the next shift for some strange reason. Maybe writing this blog will help me figure it out.
Anyways, I do not really know exactly what I will write in here, or how often I will write. But I do know, I have some pretty interesting/funny/down-right-weird/heartbreaking stories to tell from my 22 years of life. So I hope that everyone out in the blogging world will enjoy them. Wanna know a little about me? I'm 22, a nurse, daughter, sister, neice, friend, lover of sleep, college graduate, and most importantly a child of God. I love croutons and can eat a whole box at once, so I have to be careful at certain times. The same goes for Starburst jelly beans. I am an avid fan of college basketball. GO DUKE men and GO UCONN women. (For the record, March is the second happiest time of year compared to Christmas. I am in love w/ my new "perfect brownie pan maker." I am probably one of the messiest people you will every met. I love candles especially fruity ones. That's all you get for now.
So here we go... So as the title reveals, yes I am a nurse. I've been a nurse for about 9 months. (OK, can I just say that, that scares me!!!) That means that I have nearly been a nurse as along as it takes for a child to develop in the womb. That's a long time. However I still feel that same way I felt my first day I was ALL by myself. You mean I am responsible for these 3 to 8 people on a today? I have to answer their questions? Make sure they are comfortable. Control their pain. See them in their most vulnerable moments. All with a smile on my face. Some days it goes great and I really feel like I am making a difference in someone's life. Others, however make me question deep down if this is really what I am called today. Which ultimately results in my trademark line that my co-workers hear all the time. "I'm never, ever coming back here. I"m done, finished." But every week I always come back for the next shift for some strange reason. Maybe writing this blog will help me figure it out.
Anyways, I do not really know exactly what I will write in here, or how often I will write. But I do know, I have some pretty interesting/funny/down-right-weird/heartbreaking stories to tell from my 22 years of life. So I hope that everyone out in the blogging world will enjoy them. Wanna know a little about me? I'm 22, a nurse, daughter, sister, neice, friend, lover of sleep, college graduate, and most importantly a child of God. I love croutons and can eat a whole box at once, so I have to be careful at certain times. The same goes for Starburst jelly beans. I am an avid fan of college basketball. GO DUKE men and GO UCONN women. (For the record, March is the second happiest time of year compared to Christmas. I am in love w/ my new "perfect brownie pan maker." I am probably one of the messiest people you will every met. I love candles especially fruity ones. That's all you get for now.
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