The past couple of week haven't been light, haven't been pretty, and haven't been easy. It's amazing to think that about a year ago I was wearing a hideous black gown, with a hat that I don't really know how it stayed on my head and graduated from college. It feels so long ago, yet feels like yesterday. I remember thinking I cannot wait to change the world, yet also being scared out of my mind because how the heck am I going to do that?
Anyways...I have this picture in my apt from graduation that sums up my feeling. After the ceremony ended we all went outside, to take a class photo. A moment captured in time. Standing there some with hats off, some on, gowns off, gowns unzipped. Some smiling, some laughing, some clutching dipolmas, some flowers as it felt like a tornado out that day. I like the picture so much be it embodies the emotion of, "joy." It seemed so simple then, the nursing profession. Now after being a nurse for about a year I've learned that it is in fact way more complex and difficult than navigating the Bermuda Triangle.
I'm working nights..if you cannot tell by the time of the post. I'm not working but my sleep wake cycle isn't pivy to that fact yet. I was having a conversation with one of the residents the other night about working in medcine and life. You spend all your time at this hospital and when your not there your sleeping, eating, and trying to maintain some normalcy of life. I want to make it clear that I am not complaining about my job, instead im realizing theres much about it I was naive about.
I guess what I am trying to say in my psyco babble is that when you work in healthcare you need an outlet or else you will end up miserable. . During this whole conversaion I kept saying how I want to be able to really listen to people and hear their story. He then proceeded to tell me that I should become a psycotherapist. Umm no, being an RA for 2 years was enough. I have too many of my own issues. The one time I did go to counseling, all I remember was the therapist's pen going non-stop and drawing a bunch of circles with connecting lines on a paper I couldn't see..kinda creepy.
Anyways It's nice to have four days off. If you want to get technical about it its really 5 but yesterday I worked for 7hrs and slept for about 14 to recover. So yea this post is kinda all over the place, really because my mind is all over the place, and the fact that my sleep cycle is soooo off. To close I am going to leave you all with three rules of working in medicine I learned while at my internship. Mainly because I need to remember then since they will make my job easier:
1. Whatever happens, happens... I cannot control anything. Even when you think you know the response of a drug, treament, therapy, surgery, even if your 99% sure you know the outcome, often times that 1% happens and thats no one's fault not the nurse, not the doctor, and not the patient. Even if the patient dies, it happens people are sick. Moving to rule #2.
2. It could always be worse. The blood pressure could always be hgher, the patients could always be more needy, the pharmacy may be out of ativan, valium, haldol, and benadryl, and it could always be busier, more hectic and crazy, and the patients could always be sicker. But then rule #3 saves the day.
3. Morning always comes aka Your shift always ends. No matter what happens it will always end. Even if your patient dies, the shift ends. It always ends. It may not end on time, but it will end. It is for this rule that I am most grateful.
My lovely 5k is coming up oh so soon. I'm sure you'll hear lots about it.
